I'm not sure many of you know this but there is a movement called "no fap". Basically it's a commitment to stop masturbating and your life will benefit tremendously. While I can't know for sure that the second part is true. It certainly can't get any worse from stopping. That I know.
I tried looking for any threads about this but I didn't see any so I apologize if there is already one. Although this will be more personalized as well. And if you don't want details I recommend you stop reading here. Being 100% honest here.
Well I am going to try it. Basically cold turkey on Pornography and Masturbation. I've struggled with this addiction for a long time. I've gotten to the point where it's several times a day on non work days and a couple times on work days. I'll spend a half hour easy browsing the internet looking at different videos. After being offered to go on social events (the few I receive) I will sometimes weigh the pros and cons of going vs making up an excuse to stay home and masturbate. I've resorted to doing it in places that I am frankly ashamed of because of this unquenchable thirst. I even started saving a lot of it on my hard drive in case I ever lose my internet. This addiction has even made me look at taboo stuff I would have never looked at before because I have become used to normal pornography and this just absolutely sickens me. I have even convinced myself multiple times that there wasn't a problem and this was "normal". Everyone does it so how could this negatively affect me. I haven't had a girlfriend in over a year and whenever I think about the future I always assume that I'll just quit when I start dating someone. However the past has shown me that I am not capable of that. If you have ever seen the television series Dexter then you will know what I am referencing when I say it's like a dark passenger. My addiction will hide itself until I am bored at the computer and then this uncontrollable desire hit's me. And it's not the desire that's the worst part. The worst part is how fast my mind turns against me and starts justifying and rationalizing what I am doing. It's like there are a million reasons to quit but that one reason to continue this obsession wins out.
I've wanted to quit for the longest time because I honestly believe it is causing part of my social ineptitude and anxiety/depression issues. (that's another story). Well it wasn't up until a few days ago that I read something that really hit home when I was considering quitting again. It's from a female perspective but that doesn't diminish how much this hits home for me. The link:
What I Wish I'd Known Before Watching PornÂ*|Â*Lauren Dubinsky
After I read that it honestly brought tears to my eyes how true some of those sentiments were. It was with this article and a few others that I had new found courage and vigor to try and finally beat this.
Last time I looked at any porn was 6 days ago and masturbated 2 days ago. I am going to try my hardest to go without either indefinitely. I also completely wiped everything off my computer and tried to make it harder for myself to look at it online. I know there is a very good chance I will slip up but I will not let that stop me. I want to change. I need to change.
So there's my story in a nutshell. If you have questions or even better want to share similar experiences or make new commitments to changing your life for the better then post up. It would be awesome to have like minded people in here supporting each other to make this goal more achievable.
And please if you have nothing positive to say just move on. I really don't need anyone trying to tell me it's ok because it's not for me.
EDIT: For anyone who feels the same. You aren't alone!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
4 15s + Flat Wall + 10k = Loud